When I Skipped Deschooling (And What It Cost Us)

There I was, just a few months into our homeschool journey already questioning everything and slipping back into old routines I thought we left behind.

We had pulled our kids out of public-school mid-year, in February. I was determined. Motivated. Hopeful. And maybe a little naive.

I envisioned slow mornings with warm mugs of tea, cozy read-alouds by the fire, and days filled with hands-on learning and meaningful conversations. I pictured peace and presence and progress.

Instead?

We got frustration. Resistance. And tears. (From all of us.)

Looking back, it’s so clear to me now: we skipped one of the most crucial steps in transitioning from public school to homeschool, deschooling.

At the time, I didn’t even know what deschooling was. I figured if I brought my son home and replaced the classroom with our dining table, he’d be happier. Engaged. More cooperative. I mean, we left public school because he was bored, right? Surely learning with me would fix that.

But the truth was hard to swallow:
He was still bored.
Still disengaged.
And now, I was dealing with the behavior challenges all day long.

I started to panic. Was this the right choice? Was I ruining everything? Was I actually cut out for this?

The Pivot Point

Somewhere along the spiral of self-doubt, I stumbled upon the concept of deschooling. I read that kids (and parents) need time, sometimes months, to mentally and emotionally transition from the structure and expectations of traditional school before meaningful learning at home can happen.

I had missed this step.
Completely.

So, I stopped.
I breathed.
And I pivoted.

We pulled way back on academics. I focused on connection. I gave him space. We had unstructured days. We played more, explored outside, visited libraries and parks. I paid attention to what made him light up.

And slowly, everything started to shift.

What Our First Year Really Looked Like

That first six months? It was almost all deschooling. I won’t sugarcoat it. It was messy and uncomfortable. I had to let go of a lot of control. But the next six months? We started adding in a gentle rhythm. Just the basics. A few non-negotiables in our day. We connected with other homeschool families, which helped me feel less alone and helped him feel seen.

And through that slow, imperfect process, I discovered something crucial:

Our homeschool didn’t have to look anything like school.

We found our flow.
We found our style.
And it felt like home.

If You’re Just Starting Out…

As we now begin our second full year of homeschooling, I want to pass this on:

If it feels rocky at first, it’s not a sign that homeschooling isn’t working.

It’s a nudge to pause.
To pivot.
To ask, what does my child truly need right now?

The best advice I can offer: stay flexible. Let go of the rigid expectations. The checkboxes. The pressure to mimic school.

Homeschooling is more than education.
It’s relationship-building.
It’s deconstructing old systems.
It’s learning together.

And the memories you’re making?
They’re the real lesson.

If you’re a few months (or days) into homeschooling and already feeling the pressure-pause. Breathe. You’re not behind. You’re just beginning. 💛

Have you hit a moment like this in your homeschool? I’d love to hear your story in the comments or through email. We’re all learning as we go and that’s the beauty of it.